即刻App年轻人的同好社区
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置顶我最爱的爱情电影是玻璃之城，看过不下三十遍
“我的生命线，事业线，爱情线都是你”
然后我在想，所有我今年见过的人，明年我的脑子就会把他们忘得一干二净 （抑郁是这样的）
我不觉得dating app认识的任何人，有可能成为我的生命线，或许这根本就是一个错误的地方
“我的生命线，事业线，爱情线都是你”
然后我在想，所有我今年见过的人，明年我的脑子就会把他们忘得一干二净 （抑郁是这样的）
我不觉得dating app认识的任何人，有可能成为我的生命线，或许这根本就是一个错误的地方
1 00
记一次therapist session （催婚）
I actually feel like your parents do care about you
I feel like the overarching theme of your life is that you feel like you are a trash, and you never give yourself a chance to actually live life because you don't believe you can be anything or anybody more than a person who stays in bed and sometimes teaches Chinese to university students
but you literally can
I feel like you let the trauma from your childhood continue to have an influence on the way you view your mom and dad until today, and they are your enemies, and everyone in the world are your enemies or you are just not part of the world but literally you isolate yourself from the world
like its true that your mom and dad were pretty screwed up in your childhood, and it is equally true that they are worried that you won't have anyone to support you in your life / be in your life
after they die*
like are you able to see any perspective of your parents outside of "oh they just want to get me pregnant so they have a child and fulfill the dreams they (parents) were not able to fulfill in the past and they blamed me for everything that went wrong in their life"
i feel like you cannot understand that your parents are equally as complex as you
i feel it is quite obvious looking at the message interaction between you and your mom, you believe your mom is just trying to get you to marry some random guy so you can have a kid and be stuck with some random guy so they can control you through this person and you will never live a free life, and at the same time, you don't even deserve to interrupt the flow of this guy's life, like you feel you yourself are not qualified to date this person who graduated from this prestigeous university and is a genius / green card / whatever
look at your own resume. you are a double degree person. nobody would know by looking at your educational history that you were able to successfully cram your way through a degree, the same way you do not even really know him or his life, he does not know your life
i do think your mom has some weird agenda with pressuring you to meet a guy based on the first texts she sent about tsinghua / good finances whatever. i also understand your mom deliberately lied to try to set you up with this guy
obviously she is very pragmatic / transactional, and holds traditional values for family. i don't agree with her stance at all actually, ends justify the means, i don't agree. i also think that she is rather dismissive about your thoughts about having kids / marriage.
what i am talking about this whole time is, you are not without issue either, you are always self-deprecating, always putting yourself down, you literally refer to yourself as trash....
you trap yourself with the same worldview your mom uses, just as much as you feel she wants you to be married off to a man with good material qualities, you project the same worldview back to your mom, by assuming the only reason why he'd want to be with you is because of your value in having a kid
my point is less about your mom having good intentions, obviously she has some crazy warped so-called "good intentions"
but it's that you have issues you refuse to address
the reason why you keep arguing with your mom is because your position is entangled with the fact that you cannot refuse to talk to your mom, otherwise you won't have any money in canada to live
so you are firm about your own no kids no marriage no "i will be someone's baby making machine" (totally fair)
but you still argue with her in circles
in short, i feel like you hold yourself back mentally from living the life you could live
you can think differently but decide to also think in a transactional way. you can learn to separate your value as a person from external sources like how much money you have or employment status or age
you know what you don't want very clearly but you never say what you DO want. do you even know what kind of life you want to live?
you hate that your parents control you but you don't ever take any steps to reduce your parent's ability to control you. your parents can control you somewhat because you are unemployed and do not have any employment. you refuse to work for money because the work is meaningless, it has to be the perfect job with a real way to make a difference in life. if you work you will spend all the money on eating food to repay yourself of the wrongdoings the world has committed to you by making you work.
you want to do something purposeful but don't see how stocking a shelf can help a human today
you want to have the perfect job and end up doing nothing, even worse than just doing something.
I actually feel like your parents do care about you
I feel like the overarching theme of your life is that you feel like you are a trash, and you never give yourself a chance to actually live life because you don't believe you can be anything or anybody more than a person who stays in bed and sometimes teaches Chinese to university students
but you literally can
I feel like you let the trauma from your childhood continue to have an influence on the way you view your mom and dad until today, and they are your enemies, and everyone in the world are your enemies or you are just not part of the world but literally you isolate yourself from the world
like its true that your mom and dad were pretty screwed up in your childhood, and it is equally true that they are worried that you won't have anyone to support you in your life / be in your life
after they die*
like are you able to see any perspective of your parents outside of "oh they just want to get me pregnant so they have a child and fulfill the dreams they (parents) were not able to fulfill in the past and they blamed me for everything that went wrong in their life"
i feel like you cannot understand that your parents are equally as complex as you
i feel it is quite obvious looking at the message interaction between you and your mom, you believe your mom is just trying to get you to marry some random guy so you can have a kid and be stuck with some random guy so they can control you through this person and you will never live a free life, and at the same time, you don't even deserve to interrupt the flow of this guy's life, like you feel you yourself are not qualified to date this person who graduated from this prestigeous university and is a genius / green card / whatever
look at your own resume. you are a double degree person. nobody would know by looking at your educational history that you were able to successfully cram your way through a degree, the same way you do not even really know him or his life, he does not know your life
i do think your mom has some weird agenda with pressuring you to meet a guy based on the first texts she sent about tsinghua / good finances whatever. i also understand your mom deliberately lied to try to set you up with this guy
obviously she is very pragmatic / transactional, and holds traditional values for family. i don't agree with her stance at all actually, ends justify the means, i don't agree. i also think that she is rather dismissive about your thoughts about having kids / marriage.
what i am talking about this whole time is, you are not without issue either, you are always self-deprecating, always putting yourself down, you literally refer to yourself as trash....
you trap yourself with the same worldview your mom uses, just as much as you feel she wants you to be married off to a man with good material qualities, you project the same worldview back to your mom, by assuming the only reason why he'd want to be with you is because of your value in having a kid
my point is less about your mom having good intentions, obviously she has some crazy warped so-called "good intentions"
but it's that you have issues you refuse to address
the reason why you keep arguing with your mom is because your position is entangled with the fact that you cannot refuse to talk to your mom, otherwise you won't have any money in canada to live
so you are firm about your own no kids no marriage no "i will be someone's baby making machine" (totally fair)
but you still argue with her in circles
in short, i feel like you hold yourself back mentally from living the life you could live
you can think differently but decide to also think in a transactional way. you can learn to separate your value as a person from external sources like how much money you have or employment status or age
you know what you don't want very clearly but you never say what you DO want. do you even know what kind of life you want to live?
you hate that your parents control you but you don't ever take any steps to reduce your parent's ability to control you. your parents can control you somewhat because you are unemployed and do not have any employment. you refuse to work for money because the work is meaningless, it has to be the perfect job with a real way to make a difference in life. if you work you will spend all the money on eating food to repay yourself of the wrongdoings the world has committed to you by making you work.
you want to do something purposeful but don't see how stocking a shelf can help a human today
you want to have the perfect job and end up doing nothing, even worse than just doing something.
1 00
