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三角猫露西
2年前
Guilty as Sin? 个人解读
(不讨论是写给谁的,虽然很明显……)
这首歌整体是在讲Taylor的一个情感fantasy,还没和那个人在一起,但一直忍不住yy。歌名最有意思的一点是这个问号,给人一种不确定的感觉——这种“幻想”/“颅内高潮”算罪恶吗?这种不被人看好的感情可以说是神圣的吗?

Drowning in the Blue Nile
He sent me Downtown Lights
I hadn't heard it in a while
“I hadn’t heard it in a while”既是说Downtown Lights这首歌她有一段时间没听了,也在说发这首歌的人她很久以来没联系过了。这首歌就是和这个人重逢的契机。Blue Nile虽然是一个乐队的名字,但结合drowning,给人一种在一段令人忧郁的感情中窒息的感觉,或是因为抑郁将自己沉溺于悲伤的歌曲里。这一句就很双关。而正在她在深陷抑郁情绪中时,一个旧时crush过的人联系了她,给了她新的幻想。

My boredoms bone deep
This cage was once just fine
Am I allowed to cry
cage可以指上一段感情,或者指过去几年不能自由出行的时光。曾经这段时光是安全的、远离是非的,但现在看起来却平淡、无聊,她一点也不享受。她可以因为这段在外人看起来还不错的感情/时光哭吗?又是一种不确定,也是一种来自世俗层面的质疑。

I dream of cracking locks
Throwing my life to the wolves
Or the ocean rocks
Crashing into him tonight
这段让我联想到midnight rain的“He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain”。她和一个能给她很多安全感的人在一起,脑子里却在幻想跌宕起伏的、充满折磨的感情。Cracking locks对应上一段的cage,安全而长久的感情却是一个牢笼,她想跑出去。Wolves和ocean rocks都是危险的,她在幻想和她的wild boy在一起,寻求刺激和pain。

He's a paradox
I'm seeing visions
Am I bad or mad or wise
她幻想的对象是一个矛盾体,可能是那种在世俗眼光中有才华但很坏的男孩。这时她提出了第三个问题,Am I bad or mad or wise,让我联想到BDILH中的“I'll tell you something about my good name. It's mine alone to disgrace”,这句回答了bad mad wise的问题,她不需要别人定义她。

What if he's written mine on my upper thigh only in my mind
One slip I'm falling back into the hedge maze but what a way to die
I keep recalling things we never did
Messy top lip kiss how I long for our tryst
Without ever touching his skin
How can I be guilty as sin
谁能把fantasy写得如此诗意?Taylor Swift!!!mine既可以是歌名,也可以是幻想对象对她身体的占有欲,类似“I have a right to your body”。One slip给我的感觉是只要有一个契机,她就能重新回到对他的crush中,而他发来一首歌正好是这个契机,也有一种迅速坠入爱河的感觉。Hedge maze让我联想到labyrinth,“Oh no I'm falling in love again”。How can I be guilty as sin,如果以上只是头脑中的幻想,怎么能说是罪呢?

I keep these longings locked
In lowercase inside a vault
Someone told me
There's no such thing as bad thoughts
Only your actions talk
很久以来她都把这段感情藏在心底,如果没有行动就不算罪恶。她开始回答自己以歌名提出的问题,也是一种自我说服。

These fatal fantasies
Giving way to labored breath
Taking all of me
We've already done it in my head
If it's make believe
Why does it feel like a vow
We'll both uphold somehow
Fatal fantasies和vow相对,前者是危险的、致命的,后者是神圣的。而如此凶险的感情在她看来却很神圣、很憧憬。

What if he's written mine on my upper thigh only in my mind
One slip I'm falling back into the hedge maze oh what a way to die
My bedsheets are ablaze
I screamed his name
Building up like waves crashing over my grave
Without ever touching his skin
How can I be guilty as sin
“My bedsheets are ablaze. I screamed his name”让我想到slut!的“Got love-struck went straight to my head. Got lovesick all over my bed”和dress的“Carve your name into my bedpost”。“Building up like waves crashing over my grave”像是给了她这个在上一段感情中的将死之人重生的机会,或者这种“颅内高潮”直接把她带向死亡。

What if I roll the stone away
They're gonna crucify me anyway
这一句的stone让我联想到两点:一个是石刑,用石头砸死道德败坏的或者被指认为女巫的女性;另一个是西西弗斯,西西弗斯触犯了众神而受到惩罚,诸神要求他把一块巨石推上山顶,而巨石太重了,未到山顶就又滚下山去。于是他就不断重复地做这件事——诸神认为再也没有比进行这种无效无望的劳动更为严厉的惩罚了。西西弗斯的生命就在这样一件无效又无望的劳作当中慢慢消耗殆尽。反驳众人对她的评判就是无用功。

What if the way you hold me is actually what's holy
If long suffering propriety is what they want from me
They don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly
I choose you and me religiously
Taylor在这里可能在说,反正她做什么、date谁都会受到众人的检阅、世俗的反对,人们期待她的good name、做个good wife,但这些在她眼里都是long suffering propriety。Haunting和stunning的反差就像前面写到的fatal fantasies和vow。“I choose you and me religiously”让我想到false god,即便这样的感情是不被世人理解的,是一个伪神,她也要worship this love,因为在她眼中这才是神圣的。

He sent me Downtown Lights
I hadn't heard it in a while
Am I allowed to cry
最后一段又回到开头,一切都是一场白日梦,都是她的幻想。他刚给她发了一首歌而已。
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